Tickets in the Parking Lot

Now that the most important football game of the season (the Pro Bowl) is over, it is time to reflect upon the season that was, and to hope that your team’s best player doesn’t get arrested during the off season.

I am a pretty big football fan.  I live on the eastern side of the state of Pennsylvania.  My favorite team plays it’s home games some three hundred miles away on the other side of the state.  There was a time, when I would hit up training camp at the end of the summer and at least one home game during the regular season.  It was a simpler time, a time before Stubhub.  A time when airfare back and forth to Pittsburgh was roughly a hundred bucks.

I had a strategy for getting into games, and it never failed.  I would make it to Pittsburgh, and show up early in the parking lot at the stadium, with a sign that said “I need one ticket”.  One time a friend came with me, and we had to adjust the signs a little.  Mine said “Need TWO Tickets”.  His said “Need TWO Women/Tickets”.  Anyway, finding a ticket this way involved a lot of walking.  Sometimes it took an hour, sometimes three.  I would walk up and down the lots trying to attract attention with my cardboard sign.  Eventually I would find a person with an extra, we would negotiate, and I would walk away with a ticket.

You do this kind of thing enough times and you learn lessons that you can pass on.  Here they are.

1. Beware of scalpers.  For a number of reasons you need to avoid these borderline criminals.  Their tickets are way overpriced, might not even be real, and, if they had the chance some of them might actually rob you.  I had this last epiphany one time when I was cornered by a really aggressive scalper in an area where there wouldn’t have been any witnesses.  Of course, I did the brave and manly thing, and got out of there as fast as possible, without looking like a complete wuss.  Behind me, I could still hear him assuring me that I wasn’t going to find a better price.
2. Your gonna have to trust a stranger once in a while. You meet all kinds of people when you do this.  One time I met a guy and his son on the plane out.  When we arrived, they asked me if I needed a ride to my hotel.  Sure, why not.  So, I ended up crammed in the back of their car while the dad and his son, who was in his twenties, told me how they were going to go out and party.  They were like “Man you should come with us.”  I said, “That’s ok, it’s really not my thing, besides, I’m married.”  The son really felt like I was missing out, “Man you gotta come with us, there are gonna be lots of girls.”  I was pretty sure I wasn’t going to be missing anything.  “Yeeeaaah, like I said, I’m married, soooo.”  I would just like to point out that dads who “party” with their sons are weird.  At this point we were on the highway and the dad was driving like a maniac.  I was beginning to wonder if they were actually some kind of bizarre serial killer team.  Your mind can wander when you’re in the back of a rented sports car being driven by someone you really don’t know.  They did get me to my hotel safely.
3. Storing your bag can be a problem.  Thanks to the terrorists, you are not allowed to bring a bag into any stadium anymore.  This was bad for me.  One particular Sunday, I had secured my ticket, (thirteen rows off the field, thank you very much) and then I realized that I had nowhere to stow my backpack.  I wandered around outside the stadium looking for an out of the way place to stash it during the game.  The problem with out of the way places around stadiums is that most of them smell like urine.  I eventually decided to approach a group of guys and ask if I could put my bag in their SUV during the game.  At first they looked at me like I had two heads, but fortunately I don’t look like Al Qaeda.  We struck a deal and it all worked out ok.  Except for the game. Man, that was a gut wrenching overtime loss.
4. Always wear comfortable shoes.  That’s it.  Always.  Whatever you’re doing.