Okay, so it’s no secret that our government at the state and federal level wastes more money than my wife could ever spend on shoes. And that’s a lot. Everyone talks about cutting spending but it never happens. We have to start somewhere, so I have a suggestion. In 2011 each toll collector cost the state of New Jersey 100,000 dollars. That number is a little smaller now due to concessions that their union had to make to save jobs. It’s still too much money to pay someone who can be replaced by a white plastic basket. I have no love for toll collectors. Any time I’ve had to interact with them, I have come away with the impression that they would love to throw my change at me, one quarter at a time. It all started when……. (harp music for flashback). I was headed into Philadelphia to meet my wife at work, and I had to cross the Walt Whitman Bridge. When you cross the Whitman and enter Pennsylvania you have to pay the toll on the downside of the bridge. Halfway across, I realized I had little cash. (no, I didn’t have an ez-pass) This had never happened to me before. I started to dig for change and swerve around on the bridge. The toll at this time was three dollars. I was able to dig up around 2.53. I pulled into the toll booth, smiled at the guy and showed him my change, “this is all I’ve got”. No smile, in fact, no human reaction at all. “Pull over to left and wait for the police sir. And STAY THERE.” Because that’s what I was going to do, make a run for it. I was not going to be able to leave New Jersey. They returned me to the Garden State with a police escort. This was pretty much my worst nightmare, being forced to stay in the state of New Jersey by armed officers of the law.
My suggestion, trained monkeys at the toll booths. You don’t have to pay them. Except maybe in bananas. Just pay several trainers. There are multiple benefits to this system. People would be afraid of the monkeys. This would result in more e-z passes sold, and therefore traffic would move better. You would never have to sit behind that person trying to ask the toll collector for directions. Of course, you may have the occasional incident where the monkeys try to tear someone’s arm or face off, but hey, we would post warning signs. So, the state saves money, traffic moves better, and everyone is happy. Because, oh, YOU’RE GONNA pay the monkey.
LINKS
- Here is a video of a nutty guy riding his bike on a cliff side in Arizona.
- For all you arachnophobes out there.
- In New Mexico, today is Pluto Planet Day. There is a whole website dedicated to Pluto’s planet worthiness.
- I love the movie Point Break. The fact that they are doing a remake is offensive. Here are ten reasons why the remake is a bad idea. (This was written before Gerard Butler dropped out of the film, but most of it still applies)
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