I took my kids to a playground recently, so they could tire themselves out, and maybe go to bed on time. Any time you take kids to a public place, you have to always be aware of where they are and who is hanging around them. I think that most every kid has been beaten over the head with Stranger Danger. This is a great service we provide for our youngsters.
It occurred to me the other day that we may be ignoring another demographic where stranger danger is concerned. Adults. Much is made of teaching kids about potentially bad people, but we have neglected to educate our adult population about things they should be on the lookout for. As a public service, I am going to run a series of bulletins. These are people you should be avoiding.
- Guys who wear scarves as fashion statements: Seriously. Have you ever seen an interview with Johnny Depp? My wife convinced me to wear a scarf this winter. It was freaking cold. I put it on, and I have to say, it felt good. So good, in fact, that I was in danger of falling asleep on my feet. If it is 60 degrees out, though, and some dude with a scarf on comes walking toward you, it would be best to not make eye contact.
- People who wear their pajamas to the store: Look, speaking for myself here, my wardrobe is already pretty relaxed. I don’t need to be hanging out with people for whom that level of sloth is acceptable. Those people are a bad influence.
- People who eat a lot but don’t gain weight: Again, bad influence. They may have been gifted with good genetics, or maybe they used some sort of black magic to get an unholy metabolism, but one thing is for sure, if you hang with them, you will get fat.
- People who don’t believe in vaccinating kids: You don’t need this kind of irrational conspiracy nonsense in your life. Ask them where their kids are. They are either going to tell you that they don’t have any, or, that they are home recovering from a bout with polio.
- People with lots of bumper stickers on their car: Okay, so they obviously care passionately about many things. One of these things is not their car. Do you really have time to hear about all of their causes? Me neither.
- Guys who don’t watch sports: Not trustworthy.
- Guys who care too much about sports: This guy is using valuable brain space to store facts, like how many stolen bases Ricky Henderson had in 1982, instead of actually learning useful things. By the way, it was 130.
This is just the first part of my, Adult Stranger Danger List, or as my wife calls it, the reason Marc has few friends list. Granted, you may not be abducted by any of these people,,,,,, well, maybe by guys who don’t watch sports, those guys are seriously untrustworthy,,, but all of them can make your day unpleasant.
LINKS
- On this day in 1882, Jesse James was shot in the back by Robert Ford. Or was he?
- Cool photos from some of the worlds most impressive abandoned hotels.
- Our boys have been devouring pineapples lately. It gave me the idea that we should try to grow one. We are going to try planting a pineapple top.
- The new James Bond movie trailer is out. I’m stoked.
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