- My children don’t seem to properly appreciate vacation. Next summer I’m going to get them jobs. Maybe that will provide some perspective. They’ll never complain about going to the beach every day again. One summer, I almost got a job detassling corn. I’m pretty sure it involved me riding a bus to the fields with some borderline criminals. That was the same summer I almost got a job in a glass factory. Perspective achieved.
- Interstate 81 through Virginia was designed to dare you to fall asleep while driving.
- Having a chocolate fondue fountain at any event is a bad idea. A fairly recent study suggests that almost 50% of people don’t wash their hands after using the restroom. So, that chocolate fountain is just a bacteria farm waiting to happen. Consider it a roulette wheel of stomach ailments.
- If I can find something profitable that interests my ten year old as much as Minecraft, he’s gonna be a gazzilionaire. He will talk to me for hours describing the Nether and portals and spawning stuff. When I suggest we talk about something real, he just looks at me with a “but why?” look on his face.
- Recently in West Virginia. Now there’s an intro that could go many ways. Recently in West Virginia, a man was given a citation for keeping two grown deer in his house. They basically accused him of holding the deer hostage. He explained that he had raised them from when they were little fawns. I imagine that conversation something like this.
Officer: “Sir, please let those deer out of the house so everyone can have a fair chance to shoot at them.”
Man: “I don’t know what you’re talking about. There’s nobody here but me, Jerry, and Doug.”
Doug (deer #1): “Jerry, Jerry, JERRY. Do we have any Cheetos left?”
Jerry (deer #2): “They’re right behind the Mountain Dew and Jack Links. Open your eyes, Doug, sheesh. Oh, and bring those Jack Links in here, Ellen is about to come on. She’s so charming.”
- The Grateful Dead just played their final show. I am grateful.
- I recently came across a list of musical artists who all hated their biggest hit song. Isn’t that kind of like Usain Bolt hating his feet? To quote David Spade. “Be quiet and sing the song. Just like it is on the album. No messing around.”
LINKS
- A guy is walking 650 miles to Comicon, wearing full stormtrooper gear.
- It’s Nikola Tesla’s birthday. Here’s a short bio.
- We officially have three new National Monuments.
- Vacation horror stories from the editors of Frommer’s.
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