Stepping In It

Through the last two years of my glorious high school experience, and the first year or so of the sampler platter that was my college experience, I spent the summer working as a landscaper at a retirement community.  Mowing lawns and spreading mulch and trimming hedges in the summer heat is not enjoyable.  It does make cooling down after work enjoyable.  As a friend of mine in the air conditioning trade used to say.  “I do this because it feels so good when I stop.”  To which I would respond.  “I do it for the glory.”

Sometimes after the day was over at the retirement community, me and my buddies would head over to a swimming hole in the local river.  It wasn’t much more than five feet deep, but there was a rope swing and a tree with platforms to jump off at different heights.  We would spend an hour or two flipping off the swing and daring each other to jump from the highest platform.  You really haven’t lived until you have dropped out of a tree twenty five feet above water that is only up to your chin.  You have to land just right, and you still hit the bottom pretty hard.  Sometimes when my back is bothering me, I wonder if that had anything to do with it……..  Nah.

There used to be a road along the river at this spot, but the county had rerouted it and put up highway dividers as a blockade to ensure people could’t drive on that section of the old road bed.  We would pull our cars up close to the dividers to park, and then walk the rest of the way in.  We weren’t the only ones to use the swimming hole.  Other people would show up from time to time.  It wasn’t uncommon to see whole families.  There were no facilities in the area, so if you had to use the restroom, you either found a tree or sat in the water hoping that no one would come near you for a minute.  If they did.  Awkward.  If they realized what you were doing.  Double awkward.  If you had to go number two, you were out of luck.  You had to leave.

One day my buddies and I had cooled off in the river, and we were ready to go home.  We walked back down the abandoned road toward our cars.  When we reached the barrier I put one had on it and hopped over.  I used this method because it was quick,,,, and it looked pretty cool.  I’m gonna do a quick rewind to the part where I said that if you had to go number two while you were at the river, you were out of luck.  Apparently, not everyone thought so.  When I came down on the other side of that barrier, one of my bare feet landed directly on a pile of number two.  It wasn’t deer 2, or rabbit 2, or dog 2.  It was human 2.  I realize that this is an experience that not everyone has had, so I will do my best to let you know how it felt.  EEEEEEEEEWWWWWWW.  That probably didn’t do it justice,,, AAAHHH-EEEEEEWWWWW-$%#@&$!  I spent a half hour grinding my foot into the sand on the bottom of the river, trying to wash, thinking, “I knew I should have thrown the bleach, and the lysol, and the blowtorch in the car this morning.”

There.  Next time you hear someone say, “Look before you leap”, you can giggle and tell them this story.  Then tell them to check out the blog.  Thanks in advance.  And Happy Tuesday.