This is part three of a four part series. For those who haven’t seen the first two installments, this is a list that I have compiled of people that you should avoid if you want to have a happy, stress free social life. (This list could also be referred to as, The Reason Marc Has No Friends List.)
- Guys who ride around on their bicycles with no shirt on. This is unnecessary. If you need to take your shirt off to cool down, you aren’t pedaling fast enough. Put your shirt on and walk. Jogging, which is a ridiculous form of exercise on its own, makes you hot, therefore, you may want to remove your shirt. If you are jogging, you have a pass to be shirtless. This is not so with bike riding. If you are riding your bike shirtless, it speaks to a certain level of narcissism. Also, every guy who rides around shirtless on a bike happens to be whiter than the driven snow. They may be trying to show off their physique, but they are so white that you cannot look directly at them with the naked eye.
- People who go to poetry clubs. Luckily, I avoided attending poetry clubs while I was in college. A lot of people I knew went down to a nearby poetry club to hear people rhyme about things that they were passionate about. It was probably good that I never went, because I would have had a hard time not giggling while I sat in the back of the room. I have a hard time taking a lot of things seriously, and if you get up in front of me and start rhyming passionately about something, that’s a recipe for hilarity.
- People who have pickup trucks with trailer hitch truck-nuts. I know this is supposed to be some kind of statement on how manly your truck is, but I see those and shake my head. Then my mind starts to wander. You know what it really looks like? It looks like your wife, or significant other, decided to remove your cojones and display them on the back of your automobile to let everyone know who’s the boss in your relationship.
- People who only talk about their jobs. There are a couple of reasons to avoid these folks. 1. They are going to make you feel horrible about your level of dedication to your job. You’ll be like, “Man I wish I loved my job that much, I should be more dedicated, I should have accomplished more by this point in my life, wow I’m such a loser, where am I going with my life, what is my five year plan, maybe I need to see a shrink or join one of those motivational cults.” Snap out of it. There’s nothing wrong with you, they’re the messed up ones. 2. They have no other interests. Go ahead ask them about their hobbies. (They don’t have any) The conversation will ultimately loop back around to their work. (See #1)
- Clowns. Always avoid clowns.
Truck nuts are very stupid . People with truck nuts are even dumber.