James Bond has been around for 52 years on film. That’s a lot of vodka martinis. That is also a lot of theme songs. Twenty four of them to be exact. With that many theme songs, you’re bound to have a few stinkers. Luckily for you, I am here to list the worst ones, and to explain why.
5. Tomorrow Never Dies by Sheryl Crow. This movie’s theme song was originally supposed to be sung by k.d. lang, so I guess it was going to be bad no matter what. I mean really. Talk about two people who should not be involved in Bond themes. The song they ended up with is a snoozer that has completely the wrong tone for a Bond movie. If I was in charge of the artist search for this movie, and at the end of the search, it was just me and Sheryl Crow in the room, I’d say, “Oh well, I guess I’m singing it myself.”
4. GoldenEye by Tina Turner. For a song written by Bono and The Edge, especially for Tina Turner, it sure wasn’t very good. It should have been big, really big. Now that I think about it, it suited the Pierce Brosnan Bond movies. You go in excited, because Brosnan should be a good Bond, and then you leave disappointed because it never quite works. My wife says it was because he doesn’t have an edge. She always follows up with, “now that Daniel Craig……………”
3. From Russia With Love by Matt Monro. If you want to stay awake for the movie, skip the theme. It might as well be a lullaby.
2. Die Another Day by Madonna. The studio was disappointed in the airplay that their last theme song had gotten (The World Is Not Enough by Garbage, happens to be one of the best Bond themes). They wanted to get an artist with big name recognition for their next one. So, they dug up Madonna, who I’m pretty sure by 2002 had received bilateral hip replacements. This was a desperation move and they got what they deserved. Madonna past her prime and trying to make music that could keep her relevant. You know you’re in trouble when the description of the song includes it being “a metaphor for destroying one’s ego.” And it’s techno. C’mon.
1. Thunderball by Tom Jones. Where should I start? I know. How about the fact that the first lyrics in the song are “he always runs while others walk.” What? I had no idea that this was something that made you a better secret agent. If it is, I have virtually no chance of becoming a spy. If the song was about me the lyrics would go something like, “he won’t run unless there’s an emergency and even then he might just jog.” This song was written at the last minute because of legal problems with the first one. True story, when Tom Jones sang the final note in the studio, he passed out.
There you have it. A few totally useless things to start off your weekend. Please share.
LINKS
- A guy found out that his taxi driver had never been to an amusement park, so he paid for him to come along. The pictures are pretty great.
- The Buffalo Bill house from Silence Of The Lambs is for sale, if you’re interested.
- It was a heavy news week for movie houses. Seems like the owners of the Goonies house are tired of people dropping by.
- Today in 1959 Dwight Eisenhower made Hawaii our 50th state.
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