After a long weekend full of grilling, napping, and not laboring, I have a few thoughts. Warning: Only one of these thoughts is profound, and even that one is borderline.
- I was refilling my bird feeder and putting out a new block of suet that I hoped would attract some woodpeckers when I realized that I would soon be my neighborhood’s equivalent of strange lady in the park who sits on the bench and feeds the pigeons. Then I realized that I’m okay with that because I will probably have the bench all to myself.
- Football season is about to start. I have some predictions. 1. The Patriots will find a new way to cheat even though they have one of the best quarterbacks ever. 2. The Jets will be bad. 3. People in Jacksonville will continue to forget that they actually have a football team.
- I was taking my wife’s grandmother to a friend’s house last week when I became aware that we were riding along in the car listening to Green Day. It made me laugh. Just me and my wife’s granny rocking out to Green Day.
- If it doesn’t rain soon, I’m going to have to wash my car. Thanks for nothing nature.
- My dog may misbehave, but he makes up for it by sitting around the house looking noble the rest of the time.
Hello. I am noble.
- I went to the local hardware store to get some paint and I was so relieved that there was a new paint guy. I used to go there to get paint and the old paint guy always looked like I was the last person on earth that he wanted to be talking to. He was very judgy standing there with his glasses and mustache. The only judgier guy I’ve ever seen with a mustache is Joe Brown, but that’s kind of his job. I always left the store carrying a gallon of paint, but not quite sure if I was worthy of it.
- I was at the park the other day and I heard one kid say to another kid, “Here, hold my cheese curls.” I couldn’t make up my mind whether that was the funniest or the saddest thing that I had heard all day. I think it may have been the kid equivalent of, “Hold my beer. Watch this.”
- When I pick up the kids from school, I usually take my 14 year old Jeep Wrangler that has no air conditioning and is leaking a small amount of some unidentified fluid. Sometimes when I pass another Jeep, the other driver will give a slight nod or hand wave like we’re both in some kind of Jeep club. This is slightly weird. I like Levi’s. I’ve decided that whenever I see another person wearing Levi’s I’m going to point at their jeans, wink, and give them a thumbs up. We’re in the Levi’s club together. I’ll let you know how it goes. (Apparently there is Jeep wave etiquette. It’s still weird.)
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