I remember when I first discovered the “free refill.” What a magical time. “You mean I can get food that is really bad for me,,,, and I can fill my cup with soda as many times as I want?” Twenty pounds later I had to rethink my eating habits.
The crack research department here at longwalkabout.com has determined that the first free refills were offered by Taco Bell in 1988. It didn’t become a widespread practice until the time when I was graduating high school. This was perfect timing. My friends and I were working together at a summer job, and almost every day we would have lunch down at the Bell. Some of us would buy lunch, some of us would bring it. I was a lunch buyer. A 7 layer burrito and two bean burritos plus my refills. I know. It’s a lot. Don’t judge me.
Every now and then you have to break up the routine. One day we decided to take full advantage of the refill system at our regular lunchtime haunt. For some reason one of us had an empty two liter bottle. We could have just gone to the store and paid two dollars for another bottle of soda. But no. It would be more fun and much more of a challenge to try to fill the empty bottle with refill after refill from the soda fountain. How do you approach a heist like this? Like you are robbing a Vegas casino with George Clooney. One of us was the lookout. One of us was the designated pourer, and one of us shielded the designated pourer from the view of the extremely disinterested staff at the Bell. Things went well for about a liter. Then the pourer started to get antsy. It takes an unbelievable number of trips to the soda fountain to fill a two liter bottle. Especially when you’re using a small cup. In hindsight, a large size would have been more efficient. He said, “We’re gonna get caught.” We urged him not to crack under the pressure. I’m not quite sure what we expected to happen if we did get caught. Maybe the Taco police would come busting through the kitchen and there would be a mad scramble for the exit. All of us but one would make it out, where we would hop into our getaway vehicle. The one guy who got caught would be thrown onto the terracotta tile floor, have his hands zip tied, and be dragged into the walk-in freezer. Once in the freezer he would be secured in a metal chair and the head of the Taco police (who has a glass eye and six fingers on his left hand) would proceed to waterboard him with hot sauce until he gave up all of our addresses and phone numbers.
In the end the pressure was too great for the pourer. He left the 2/3 full two liter in the booth. One of us did go back in and get it. I don’t think we ever drank it because, not surprisingly, it had lost most of its fizz. The heist was essentially successful, but our future in high pressure con games didn’t look promising.
LINKS
- Some cool aerial footage of a guy stand up paddle boarding with two whales off the coast of Australia.
- A guy in Italy was late for his flight, so he decided to delay it with a bomb threat.
- The trailer for The Walk is visually stunning. I might leave my house to go see it.
- Some employees at Toronto’s airport went above and beyond when a little girl lost her teddy bear. Proving again that Canada is lucky to have us as a neighbor because they’re just too nice.
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