Is Breakfast Really The Most Important Meal Of The Day?

Sometimes I like to think about really important things.  For instance, the other day I was wondering why people keep poisonous snakes as pets.  It’s not like snake charmer is a reasonable career choice anymore.  I came to the conclusion that they always want to have a good way to murder their significant other.

Cops:  Your partner was bitten by that black mamba you keep in the family room.  Didn’t you just take out a large insurance       policy?

Person:  What a horrible coincidence.  When they make out the check, remember to tell them that my name is spelled with two R’s.

Enough about snakes.  What I really want to talk about today is my most recent deep thought. Is breakfast really the most important meal of the day?  For years you’ve heard the propaganda.  Gotta get a good start.  Remember your breakfast.  Have an egg, they’re incredible and edible.  Don’t forget to have some milk in that bowl of cereal.  I have to be honest, I just had coffee for breakfast today and I felt pretty good.  Added to that, I enjoy other meals much more than breakfast.  Lunch and dinner are a smorgasbord of diverse tastes.

Where does this propaganda come from?  I think that it all goes back to some kind of shady Milk and Egg Mafia.  Back in the day, the milk and eggs got together in a smoky room at an out of the way dairy farm and had a meeting.  This is how it went.

Eggs:  I call this meeting to order.  We are here to discuss how we are being left out of two of the three meals each day.

Milk:  I’ve put a lot of thought into this, and I see no clear path for us to weasel our way into lunch and dinner.  That is, unless you see quiche as a viable option.

Eggs:  Look, we’re in quiche and we don’t see it as a viable option.

Milk:  It’s settled then.  We’re going to focus on our wheelhouse.  BREAKFAST.  I propose a complete hostile takeover of that one meal.

Eggs:  Genious!

Milk:  If we’re going to focus on one meal, we’ll need an aggressive propagaaaa,,, I mean, advertising campaign.

Eggs:  No problem.  I know a guy who convinced a bunch of people to buy pet rocks.

Milk:  Sounds perfect.  Maybe he could sell breakfast as the “most important meal of the day” and tell people that they can’t afford to go without it.

Eggs:  Other groups are going to want to get in on this.  I know sausage and bacon are also feeling a little left out.

Milk:  For a small fee, I think we can work something out.  But they’ll never be allowed to be served by themselves.  They always must be accompanied by you guys.

Eggs:  Agreed.  The same goes for the cereal.  Absolutely NO cereal without MILK.

Milk:  Our lawyers are also going to have to deal with orange juice, fruit, and syrup.

Eggs:  Yeah, but that should be easy.  I mean really, what other meal are they going to go to.  MWAH HAHAHA.

Milk:  The one thing I’m gonna have to watch out for is milk impostors.  Almond, rice, coconut, anything will call itself milk these days.  If they become too much of a problem I’ll have to send butter after them.  Butter is ruthless.

Eggs:  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Milk:  BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

It’s not that I don’t like breakfast, I do, but I love the options the other two meals give me.  That makes them the Most Important Meals of the day.  Like Oscar Wilde said, “Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast.”  Let’s go get some burritos.

PS:  Ironically at the time of this writing, bacon has weaseled its way into every meal, including dessert.