Live Music Keeps You Young

I love live music.  Pretty much any live music.

When attended correctly, concerts can be a drink from the fountain of youth.  Look at that picture of me.  I’m actually 118 years old.  My secret?  Good live music, coffee, and following sports teams that actually win.  Today, I’m going to break down how to stay young by going to concerts. There is a method to the madness.

1. Go To High Energy Shows.  It’s like a recharging a battery.  One show can energize you for up to six months.  Personally I prefer rock shows.  The louder the better.  You should be able to feel the drums and bass in your chest.  It is a psuedo-scientifically proven fact that this sonic energy transfers into your cells and, “shakes off the rust.”
2. Don’t Go See Aging Artists.  I told my wife this and she said, “Wow, that’s kind of ageist of you.”  It’s not.  Remember, we’re talking about how live music can keep you young.  There is nothing wrong with going to see, I don’t know, let’s say, The Rolling Stones (except that they are vastly overrated). That show won’t keep you young though. That show will remind you that you are getting older.  Those guys look mummified.  Keep up with new artists.  They didn’t stop making good music when you got out of high school.  Going to see new artists enables you to absorb the energy that only youth can produce.  So, let’s review, Aerosmith= great for nostalgia.  Arctic Monkeys= will keep you young.
3. Most Important Rule.  Go See Artists Where The Crowd Will Be Young. Sounds a little creepy when I read it back.  I’m not talking Justin Bieber young.  I’m thinking more college age.  Younger show crowds are more into the music.  They are also less likely to break a hip when stage diving and much less likely to start telling you about their medical ailments in between sets.  The crowd is approximately 47.233% of your concert going experience.  For it to be considered a legendary show, the crowd itself must be legendary. A good concert crowd contains more energy than two, possibly three, of those ridiculous California solar farms.  You know, the ones that incinerate all the birds that fly by.  When attending a show with a younger crowd, you should absorb their energy.  Kind of like a vampire, except you get to go out in the daylight.  (Unless you have red hair.  For you gingers, I would still recommend at least an SPF 30 before going out in full sun).  Absorb all of that energy being provided by young adults that don’t have the emotional inhibitions that full on adulthood saddles so many people with.  Sing along.  Maybe do some crowd surfing.  Get down in the pit.  Don’t let it bother you when someone turns to their friend and says, “Who’s the creepy old guy?”

By applying these three simple criteria when attending concerts (and drinking lots of coffee, and not being a Cleveland Browns fan) you can stay young pretty much indefinitely.  One other thing.  DON’T GO SEE PHISH.  Word on the street is that it will quite literally take ten years off of your life.