Captain’s Log- Snow Day #3, 2018
7:34- Wake up to find oldest son watching Youtube videos of his favorite gamer. (If someone would have come to me when I was a kid and said, “Hey, you want to watch some VHS tapes of guys playing video games?” I would have said, “No! What do I look like, some kind of weirdo? Let’s play Tecmo Bowl. And, no, you can’t be Bo Jackson. That’s cheating.)
8:00- Everyone having breakfast. Snow is falling.
8:43- Things remain calm. The boys are playing video games. Granny is completing her lottery scratchy. My wife is working upstairs in the office.
9:45- Snowfall rate is picking up.
10:17- Inform the boys that it is time to do homework. First signs of unrest emerge.
11:00- Homework complete. The boys and the dog play in the snow outside. I make cookies for the family. Granny watching The Price Is Right. Granny visibly upset when the Showcase Showdown is interrupted for a weather report.
11:47- The boys and dog have returned from the backyard. Visibility dropping as snow piles up. Increasingly likely that we will be snowbound. I inform the family of this. The information is met with assorted grumbles.
12:15- Lunch.
13:00- I tell the boys that they will have to clean their room before playing any more games. They are hostile.
13:38- Snow totals increasing.
14:00- Wife chastises the family for being too loud while she is on an important international phone call. I make ill received joke. (This happens often.)
15:00- I suggest we watch a movie. Granny unhappy because movie would preempt her second favorite show, Caso Cerrado. Am beginning to think that family is getting stir crazy.
15:37- I tell the boys that they have no more video game time left. They quietly retreat to a corner where they whisper to each other and stare at me.
16:30- My wife comes downstairs from the office. I am relieved to have reinforcements to assist me in dealing with increasingly unstable family.
17:00- Dinner. Eaten in silence.
17:30- Inform children that there will be no more screen time for the day. They descend the stairs into the basement.
18:40- Have not heard any noises from the basement. Wife begins to browse amazon.com. I inform her that the snow day budget was depleted during the first two snow days of the year. Wife angrily shuts computer and joins the boys in the basement.
18:50- Granny is napping.
19:00- I cautiously open the door to the basement and suggest that we watch a hockey game together as a family. Silence.
19:15- I fear that repeated snowstorms have finally driven family mad.
19:17- Granny wakes up from nap looks out at the snow and hurls an empty Malta bottle at the window while yelling, “CASO CERRADO!” Bottle does not hit window. Luckily.
20:02- Snow still piling up.
20:05- Distracted by the hockey game, I fail to hear my wife and kids approaching stealthily. They rush me using wooden swords made from table legs with amazon packing tape wrapped around the handles. They are yelling about snow and slush and the color gray and how this is somehow all my fault. FULL SCALE MUTINY!
20:07- I barely escape and barricade myself in the master bedroom.
20:13- All power goes out. I look out the window and see that the neighbors still have power. Suspect that family is now using psychological warfare.
21:00- All is darkness and silence and I am beginning to hallucinate.
22:17- I look out the windows and see sun and palm trees but know this is not possible. IS IT?????
23:00- SO cold. Sooo COLD> ljjfalsngm,…ssdf
Am going swimming in nEighBors pOOL.. This iS LasT ENTry………………asdclkjojfoj…
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