You’re Welcome World

Many things will be written about freedom and independence today.  I decided that one more piece would be too many.  Instead, I have decided to bring you highlights in the list of inventions that resulted from said freedom and independence.  Without further adieu,

THE FRUITS OF FREEDOM

• The coffee percolator-  This invention is significant to me personally.  My mornings would not be the same without a percolator.  Now that I mention it, neither would my afternoons and evenings, and sometimes mid-mornings, once in a while my right after lunches, and from time to time my late nights.
• The Dustpan-  I am shocked that everyone waited for us to come up with this one.  It does kind of explain why it took so long for Europe to get rid of the plague though.  I mean, what were they doing, sweeping all of the dirt into the room of their least favorite child?  They weren’t vacuuming, because we invented that in 1860.
• The Vibrator-  You know, for relieving tight, sore muscles.
• Ice Cream Soda-  When I am elected president, root beer floats will be handed out at the end of every naturalization ceremony.
• The Popcorn Machine-  In a happy coincidence, this came along right about the time that motion pictures were invented.  Still no word on whose idea it was to charge eight dollars for a bucket of popcorn at the theater.
• The Mousetrap-  Another thing that would have been helpful around the time of the plague.  Dustpans and mousetraps and we could have nipped that thing in the bud.
• Candy Corn-  We’re sorry.  So sorry.  They can’t all be winners.
• The Airplane-  As far as inventions go, it’s kind of a biggie.
• The Traffic Cone-  Down the street from me live some people that have two traffic cones blocking the end of their driveway so that no one can turn around there.  When those cones are allegedly stolen at roughly the same time I move to the Caribbean, it will be entirely coincidental.
• Deodorant-  Believe it or not, there are some people that still refuse to take advantage of this life changing invention.  Also, believe it or not, some of those people have significant others.
• American Football-  Because no sport should be tied at zero after ninety minutes.
• The Electric Guitar-  A crucial invention that along with Ozzy, helped elevate music as an art form.
• Tupperware-  An ingenious place to keep food.  Never mind that most of this food will eventually go bad and two months later we will remove it from the fridge and spend five minutes trying to figure out what it is before we reluctantly open the container.
• The Zamboni-  I know, you thought it was from Canada.  Nope.  California baby.
• Weather Satellite-  This invention has been crucial to occupying the time of our older generations.  Now they can watch the five o clock news and immediately afterward call all of their sons and daughters to warn them that there is a fifty percent chance of rain next Tuesday.
• The Child Safety Seat-  Because apparently no country cared about children until,,,,,, Merica.
• Buffalo Wings-  Something to eat while we watch American football teams score points.
• ME-