I know. It’s been a while. I’m sorry to have let my 15 readers hang for so long. Everyone must have been like.
“What happened?”
“Is he dead?”
“Is he on the run from the law?”
“Is he trapped in a public restroom stall because he doesn’t want to touch the door handle?”
Truth is, I was on vacation. And before that I was feeling less than inspired. Now everybody’s like.
“Wait, this nonsense requires inspiration?’
Well, not really. Okay, maybe a little.
ON TO THE STORY
My wife has always wanted to visit Italy. So this spring we finally decided that we were going to do it. Three days in Tuscany, Five days in Umbria. Art, sunshine, food, medieval towns, and food. I could go on and on about lots of things from this trip, but I have chosen to tell one story. A story that will live in infamy. A story that I will remind my wife of when we are old.
The city pictured at the top of this post is Todi, which is located in Umbria. It is really old, picturesque, and, obviously, located on the top of a hill. There are several ways to get to the top of this hill. 1-Park near the left side of the photo, and take a gazillion stairs to the 7th century church that looks over the city. 2-Park near the right side of the photo and walk up the gradual slope all the way to the top. 3-Park around the back side of the hill on the left side of the photo and take a small mechanized incline directly to the top.
We had taken the stairs on our first visit to the city, but because I wasn’t sure about the parking situation on the weekend, and I was curious about the incline, I decided to give it a go. I parked the car and we walked to the small station where the incline would stop to pick us up. The incline car turned out to be basically an 8×8 glass box that as many people as humanly possible would crowd into before it ascended into the town. I wasn’t discouraged. When we got into the line of about twenty people the the doors of the car were just closing. We watched as it rose away from us. Then we watched as more people showed up and started to move into line ahead of us. Turns out Europeans aren’t big on waiting in lines. They cut more lines than Dwight Gooden, if you know what I mean. As an American, this offends my sensibilities. I mean, that kind of thing can get you kicked out of Great Adventure. Anyway, five minutes later the car car returned. It filled up again, without us, and left. I started to jockey for a position to ensure us a spot on the next ride up. Then,,,,,,,, my wife threw me a curveball.
“I’m not riding on that thing.”
“But.”
“I don’t want to wait another fifteen minutes, and then have to cram myself in there with 20+ people.”
“But, it’s only like five minutes.”
“Yeah right, isn’t there another way up?”
“But,,,,, we’re right here.”
“I AM NOT RIDING THAT THING.”
And,,,,,,,,,, she took off. And we walked. And we walked. She was so determined. She was so angry. She had wanted to take the stairs anyway, and I guess this was my fault. Medieval cities were built with walls surrounding them so that they would be easy to defend. If we wanted to get into the city we’d have to find one of the old gates. Like the Israelites at Jericho, we marched around the city walls of Todi. Me- confused and annoyed. My wife- apparently just annoyed. All the way around we went. From the left side of that photo, to the right. I know, you may say, “That’s all. That’s not so bad.” Well,,,,, then we entered the gates in the city wall and walked back all the way from the right side of the photo to the left. Did I mention that my wife was determined? She did not slow down until we reached an old Roman fountain that was more of a trickle than a fountain, and was more full of pigeon poop than water. Because there were signs guiding people to this “attraction”, we both found this sufficiently amusing to break the tension. Then we had lunch. Pizza. And,,,,,,,,,, wait for it,,,,,,,,,,we rode the incline back to our car (though she was still reluctant).
Now this is the situation that I will use as a benchmark for all other ridiculous situations. Example.
“Isn’t this election season ridiculous?”
“Well, it’s not walking around Todi ridiculous.”
PS: Prayers for those affected by the recent earthquakes in Italy.
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