I have spent much of my life in the northeastern United States. (I’m not real happy about that, but there you have it.) I don’t necessarily consider myself a “northeasterner”, in fact, when fillng out forms I prefer to say that I am from “parts unknown”, like a masked wrestler. Some people, however, proudly advertise that they are from this region, going so far as to slap a bumper sticker on their car that advertises which Garden State Parkway exit they like to vacation off of. To each their own I guess. One thing I have become aware of is that we in the northeast have a rep. Here is a conversation I have to endure from time to time when I travel to other areas of the country.
Them: “Hi, where are you from?”
Me: “Pennsylvania, outside of Philadelphia.”
Them: “Why is everyone from up north so mean?”
Me: “Why don’t you just shut your face?” JUST KIDDING, JUST KIDDING.
My usual response is: (Laughing) “Things are just different up north.”
In the remaining three hundred and twenty words of this post (give or take) I would like to try to explain why other regions’ perception of the northeast is slightly misguided.
You know how some people have recurring sore throats and then eventually have to have their tonsils removed? A similar thing happens in our part of the country. We have recurring run ins with other people, leading to the removal of our patience. Twenty nine of the top fifty most densely populated areas of the country are in the northeast. There are simply too many people. We don’t have the time to stop and have a polite conversation with every one of them.
Another thing that makes us seem grumpy? The weather. People in other parts of the country have much better weather than we do. Our winter is too cold. Our summer is too short and humid. Our spring is cold, wet, and muddy, except for a two week window. Fall, or raking season, as I like to call it, is also miserable, except for a two week window when the leaves on the trees get really pretty. Like I’ve told my wife. I’d be perfectly happy to live in a place where the leaves never change. Seeing it once in a lifetime is enough. So, you see, we all continually have Seasonal Affective Disorder. We aren’t mean, we have a diagnosable environmentally-induced condition.
Our dialect up here is also different and easily misunderstood. A conversation overheard can be misinterpreted quite easily without having someone to put it into the proper context for you. I will provide an example for people from other regions.
Person #1: (Drops glass jar on the floor, shattering it into a million pieces.) “AAAGGH, what idiot left the door open, it made me drop this jar.”
Translation: “I am embarrassed that I didn’t see the door and now I’ve broken a jar of my favorite pickles.”
Person #2: “Maybe you should just watch where you’re going ya moron. What’d the door do, swat it out of your hand?”
Translation: “Are you okay? Be careful of the broken glass. Sorry I left the door open.”
Person #1: “Shut up or when I’m done cleaning this up I’ll break another jar over your head.”
Translation: “I accept your apology for leaving the door open. Could you please bring me a broom and a roll of paper towels.”
Person #2: “Whatever, moron. Here’s a broom.”
Translation: “Here’s a broom. I’ll be right back with the paper towels.”
Person #1: “Thanks.”
Translation: “Thanks.”
Do you see how someone who isn’t familiar with our dialect could have easily been alarmed by that conversation? It isn’t so much that we’re mean up here, it’s just that we are misunderstood, there are too many of us, and we all probably have psychological issues due to the change in seasons. So, as an unofficial representative for the northeast, I’d like to request that the rest of you losers to stop referring to us as mean or we’re going to have to smack you around a little.
Leave a Reply